Full Disclaimer: The writing you see below is for entertainment purposes only, and in no way should it be taken seriously. The equipment represented in this blog are in NO way meant be used as weapons or as protection against anything other than the sports they were designed to be played in. Reader’s discretion is advised. Enjoy! (Be sure to click some of the Hyperlinks)
Monkey Sports Survival Guide
You would be surprised how much people change when faced against death and adversity. When the survival instinct kicks in, most people enter a state of panic and can act like distressed savages; others stay calm and find a solution. More often than not, it is the athlete who keeps his head in an emergency. From a young age, athletes are trained to handle pressure and perform for their teammates in do-or-die situations. Whether it’s the fourth quarter, the bottom of the ninth, or game seven; the athlete is mentally prepared to help you survive the ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE.
Going forward, this will be a survival guide for those who would like to plan ahead for the inevitable zombie takeover. It is recommended to acquire these protective items before the outbreak begins. If you are lucky enough to be at Monkey Sports when it all starts, make sure to grab the equipment listed below before stores sell out or get looted.
Defensive Items of Choice
Due to the high level of certainty that chaos will erupt, make sure to prioritize what is more valuable to you. You may not be able to grab everything you set out to, so it is recommended to get what will keep you safe first and foremost. Once you have acquired safety, then you can scavenge for food and water.
Option 1: The STX Stallion Sc-Ti OCS Defensive Lacrosse Shaft – will provide a lot of strength and durability due to the fact that it is made out of a blended material of Scandium and Titanium. This shaft will have the strength of Titanium, allowing you to crush the skull of each zombie in your path. Furthermore, you will also need the lightweight versatility of Scandium when running from zombies town to town. STX also added additional material in the corners of the shaft to significantly reduce denting and breaking. There is no way a Zombie is going to get within 6 feet of whoever is wielding the STX Stallion SC-Ti OCS.
Option 2 : The Triple Thick STX Kantana Box Lacrosse Shaft – is built to be virtually indestructible. With thicker walls the Kantana Box shaft will be less likely to bend or break while playing box lacrosse or decapitating zombies with Marchionne from the Walking Dead. Constructed with Hydro Forming Technology the STX Katana slightly bends backwards at the top of the shaft like a samurai sword. This moves the release point forward allowing the player to generate more power. For a lighter field lacrosse Kantana shaft, click here.
Honorable Mention: Louisville Slugger Wooden Baseball Bat – When it comes to fighting off walkers/zombies alongside Rick Grimes and the rest of the group, the Louisville Slugger baseball bat is a must have. It is made out of Northern White Ash, one of the most dependable woods on the market. This bats medium barrel size and pro-cupped end give it a greater hitting zone, while also providing a well balanced swing. As a result, this bat will be very easy to use especially against fast moving zombies. Just remember, a quarter of an inch could be the difference between being safe, or striking out and being consumed by the walking dead.
Honorable Mention: STX Crux 500 Women’s Lacrosse Shaft – Offers maximum precision and accuracy with its flex technology. If you are ever backed into a corner while surrounded by walkers, the STX Crux 500 will strike quick and accurate, allowing you to make it out safely. This shaft will also have a new slip proof butt end to prevent slippage during the heat of battle, making it perfect for fighting off bloody zombies.
Rations and Medical Supplies
Once you are in possession of defensive items for protection, you may need to use them to fend off flesh eating zombies or desperate civilians trying to take what’s yours. First acquire a backpack before you start scavenging for supplies and rations. During the Zombie Apocalypse, it’s vital to get a Refillable water bottle to stay hydrated and to have a medical kit.
At Monkey Sports there is a variety of options to fulfill your survival needs. Our Monkey Fuel Sports Nutrition Line provides products that allow you to maximize your potential by providing superior hydration, nutrition, and power. During a zombie apocalypse you will need to travel light and grab food that will not parish and expire. Protein Powder and Protein bars are perfect in this situation and will keep you fueled for however long you are able to survive.
Protective Head Gear
Option 1: Cascade CPX-R Matt Black Lacrosse Helmet –will provide great protection with its ground breaking Seven Technology liner that effectively transfers energy from high level impacts. It will also have full coverage over the face and head from infected walkers lashing out at you. The CPX-R is a better option over the Cascade R while fighting off zombies, due to the fact that it is significantly lighter. With that being said, the Cascade R is better against concussions, so unless you are planning on head butting your way to safety, choose the CPX-R to remain lightweight.
Option 2: STX 4Sight Focus Women’s Lacrosse Goggles – When one is emotionally weighed down by the thought of death on a daily basis, people come to terms with the idea that they would rather be comfortable than be fully protected. The STX 4Sight Focus goggles will provide superior visibility and comfort. The form-fitting silicone padding is easy to clean and will not absorb sweat or residue from splattered zombie blood. These goggles will keep your skin clean and acne free.
Honorable Mention: Bauer Re-Akt 100 Helmet offers an enhanced impact management system. It is the perfect Anti-Zombie helmet used in situations similar to riot control. When up against a wave of zombies you are going to need the Bauer Re-Akt 100. With its Titanium facemask, your face will be protected from clawing zombies. This particular facemask is 50% lighter than competitive facemasks, making this helmet perfect for people looking for a lightweight advantage. Lastly, this helmet is compatible with a variety of shields and visors. When you spend your days cracking skulls, you may want a visor to shield your eyes from the splattering zombie guts.
Protective Chest/Shoulder Gear
Option 1: The STX Stallion HD Lacrosse Shoulder Pads – are designed to not only protect your chest and shoulders, but your stomach and ribs as well. It’s all about having maximum surface area protection across your entire body, just in case a walker unexpectedly bites you. The Stallion HD’s are made of High Definition Polymer in an anatomical design that anchor the user’s body to work with his or her natural movement.
Option 2: The STX Shadow Shoulder Pads – are considered to be the most versatile shoulder pads best suited for the Zombie Apocalypse. Not only do they have adjustable shoulder caps, but they also have removable upper arm pads that can be taken off during hot summer days while fleeing for your life. Depending on your situation, you can choose between protection and lightweight flexibility. These shoulder pads also have a unique strapping system made of stretch zones that conform to your chest and allow you to breath comfortably.
Option 3: The Warrior Burn Rib Guards – take a second to imagine what it would be like to have a zombie tackle you and pull out your intestines. NO THANKS … I’m wearing rib guards.
Hand and Arm Protection
Hand and arm protection is considered to be the most important items when it comes to defending yourself from zombies. Your arms are the most vulnerable to bites and seem to always be used as a last resort to shield yourself from approaching dangers.
Option 1: Warrior Regulator 2 Lacrosse Glove – With IMPAX protection, the hand is concealed in a molded foam technology for superior impact absorption. Also, with the addition of segmented high-density foam, your hand is protected in key biting zones while sustaining fluid hand motion.
Option 2: Maverik ROME RX3 glove – is built to have an anatomical Speed Fit design that enhances a natural feel. Maverik also incorporated PORON XRD FOAM throughout the glove in key biting zones. The odds of any zombie being able to puncture PORON XRD are very unlikely.
Option 3: Warrior Evo Lacrosse Arm Guards – If you get PITTED in the middle of a zombie apocalypse, make sure to use lacrosse arm guards. They will provide the most durable protection and give you maximum coverage up and down your arms. The Warrior Evo lacrosse Arm Guards also have great ventilation and an anti-slip system to keep your arm guards in place. This consists of several rubberized inserts throughout the inside of the liner to keep you pads in place. The worst thing that could possibly happen is having a walker bite your upper bicep because your arm guards fell down to your wrists.
Leg and Groin Protection
Option 1: STX Deluxe Lacrosse Goalie Pants – are anatomically designed, and have a floating protective pad system for maximum mobility and protection for your hips and thighs.
Option 2: Warrior Tool Box Goalie Nutt Hutt – Just remember, you will most likely need to repopulate the earth after the zombie apocalypse, so make sure you are fully protected with the Warrior Tool Box Goalie Nutt Hutt.
Option 3: Bauer Vapor Shin Guards – To be completely honest, the shin guards were added because they look cool. They will not help your mobility at all, but it you get bitten by a crawling zombie they will definitely come in handy.
Option 1: The New Balance Minimus 20v4 Training Shoes – You know the saying, “Speed Kills?” Well, in the zombie apocalypse “Speed” keeps you alive. The New Balance Minus 20v4’s are probably the biggest Diamond in the rough here at Monkey Sports, don’t leave them behind.
Option 2: The Warrior Adonis Lacrosse Turfs – are built to outperform and outlast any zombie. They will provide maximum ankle support and a silky smooth feel with Warrior’s WARTECH liner and NEOPRENE tongue/heel. Not only will the NEOPRENE be soothing to your sensitive skin, but it has been known to prevent the likelihood of blisters. Fighting walkers on a daily basis will wear you and your feet down. stay ahead of the zombie herd with the warrior Adonis Turfs.
If you find yourself in a misty dark forest surrounded by the walking dead, make sure to trust your first instinct, never hesitate, and above all…. get your gear a Monkey Sports!!! Thanks for reading.